Dear Mexican Grocery Store Bathrooms,
Hi, I'm Rhiannon. You might know me as the girl who brings her own soap. How are things? How's your mom? I'm fine, thanks.
So hey, I'm pretty good at math, especially measurements.
I can eyeball suit measurements from twenty paces and a bra from fifteen. My baked goods rise and shine as instructed without use of teaspoon or tablespoon.
What I CANNOT do, dearest host country, is predict exactly how much toilet paper I will need before entering the sanctity of my stall. Life takes many an unexpected turn and I cannot be prepared for all eventualities.
I don't want to be wasteful and pull a whole bon voyage party of micron-thin woodchips disguised as tissue from the communal roll (also: embarrassing) but what are my other options? I'm pretty sure I can't use my omnipresent Lysol wipes for that, and my clutch is only so big.
I understand you've probably got some genetic lead since your people built some pretty mathematically swank pyramids and came up with the concept of zero while all mine managed was the occasional standing stone. Do you know what standing stones are?
They're the Pretty In Pink prom gown of the megalith world.
You know it, I know it and the ancient Britons know it.
A little help over here?