May I present to you the very finest in nightmarish Edwardian era pig greeting cards:
"Don't let Luau Thursday fool you, Jim: The layoffs are coming, I just know it. I was talking to Hank in Accounts Receivable, he said the folks from corporate had a top level meeting with some company called Jimmy Dean. I don't like the sounds of that, and you know I just lost the Perkins account."
"Lishennn, I'm jush gonna come out and say it before my wife comes over. You're a hell of a guy, Jake Petersen. No, no let me finish. You've got a great golf swing, and that Billingsley presentation you gave lasht week in Des Moines was breathtaking. Literally, I almost cried. Now maybe it's the liquor talking, but I'd like to kiss you on the mouth. Just once. Very hard."
"Are you sure this is a thing? Because I'm pretty sure it's not a thing. You know, just because I'm a Chi O doesn't mean I'm stupid or that I'll drape myself over just
any papier mache pig for a lousy twenty bucks and a bottle of Arbor Mist."
"Sigh...Okay, just keep it off of Facebook, alright? My parents aren't dead yet."
"Thank Christ that Kate Middleton finally got knocked up. It's been all 'Suri Takes Ballet' and 'Suri Misses Her Daddy' not to mention the whole walking in on Daddy and Uncle John practicing their special Scientology hugs. God. So yeah, I'm just gonna kick back with my flowers and this pig carved out of Velveeta and take a freakin' break."
"Hallo, my name is Hans and this is Hans Junior. Tonight ve have a
veeeeery special surprise for you in your dreams. I don't want to give it away, but it involves this ladder, sixteen inches of artisanal
sauerbraten and that creepy dead baby from Trainspotting.
Auf Wiedersehen!"
"...
and thanks for the peyote!!!"
LOLA - Absolutely love the post cards - with your comments - a much needed belly laugh on this last day of work for 2012!
ReplyDeleteHere is a better and more satisfying 2013 for us all!
Hester
Amen, Hester! Happy New Year to all of us.
DeleteWas 1901 the Year of the Pig? I am dying over that body stocking. And the artfully draped ivy!
ReplyDeleteHa, the internet tells me it 1901 encompassed parts of the year of the Ox and the Rat. Apparently pigs are supposed to bring prosperity in some Germanic cultures. Ivy and clover both make significant appearances too, although the body stocking was one-off, thank God.
Deletelol
ReplyDeleteWhat were they smoking/snorting/injecting back in the early 1900s?
ReplyDeleteBacon, from the looks of it. Either that or a hell of a lot of cocaine.
DeletePigs???
ReplyDeleteApparently so. They're supposed to symbolize prosperity. Only my delicate nature prevented me from showing the ones where our porcine friends were actually defecating gold coins.
Delete