The Road to Ensenada

I am almost certain I never got carsick before moving to Mexico.

I remember feeling a bit queasy once or twice as a child when my grandmother would get stuck in stop and go traffic, and my best friend's laissez faire attitude regarding oncoming traffic played a major part in me finding religion when we were in college, but it wasn't until I moved down to Mexico's wang that I discovered the true meaning of carsickness.

The road to Ensenada. Not pictured: the actual road. via

You know Lyle Lovett's fantastic album The Road to Ensenada? Well, I will never speak a word against my favorite living Texan, but when Lyle wrote "the road to Ensenada is plenty wide and fast" I'm pretty sure he was taking some extreme poetic license.

SOME of the road to Ensenada, more properly known as Carretera Federal 1, that traces the entire west coast of the Baja peninsula is plenty wide and fast. The rest of it is what would happen if you made a rattlesnake watch Japanese cartoons until it had a seizure and then paved the results.

I follow all the tips and tricks --looking at the horizon, keeping the window open-- yet my insides end up on the outside nearly every damn time. Dramamine only seems to make it worse and I can't drive at the moment because my hands can't properly grasp the wheel.

Do any of you have advice for those of us with delicate insides that don't take kindly to winding coastal highways? Put it in the comments and have my undying gratitude. You might want to stand back a bit, though. You know, just in case.

Guess Who's Got a 50% Off Kiyonna Code?

That's a rhetorical question, obviously.

So I know I'm trying to be all deep and philosophical and stuff these days, but you guys (by which I mean gals...mostly) seemed to really like it when I post super special secret sales like that one a few months ago from Kiyonna.Well, they're doing it again.

From now until May 23rd all Kiyonna sale items are 50% off with the code HOTBUY50.

The Trinity Twist Dress from Kiyonna

My Favorite Wrap Dress Ever is available for under fifty bucks in red and black, plus there's the easy to wear Trinity Twist Dress in black or a really quite lovely amethyst.

For my separates-wearing friends, they've got a number of great tops, including the ridiculously flattering Caycee Twist and Rosalie Wrap, both of which do the whole desk-to-dinner thing (and yes, I hate myself a little for saying that) perfectly.

As for me, I'm taking advantage of this sale by going out on a bit of a sartorial limb by ordering the Duchess Day Dress in gray and I might even go back for the green since it's in that amazingly soft, breathable rayon/modal that feels like a blend of cotton and silk jersey.

I've got a short neck --it's what tragically ended my brief plus-size modeling career-- so I was a little hesitant about the pussy bow, until I did a little pinterest research and saw the necktie was convertible and could be worn draped instead.

I'm not old enough to have worn the pussy bow the last time it was popular, so I think I'm sartorially in the clear, but change is scary.

Honestly though, I'll probably snip it off (I'm not sure whether it comes attached) and wear it in my hair with the tails hanging down. It'll look great dancing.

There's free shipping on orders over $150 (they're also running a $10 shipping special to Canada, but that ends today)

Remember, Kiyonna starts at a size 10, so no need to feel like fat girls have all the excellent clothing choices.

I Hate to Move It, Move It

Sorry for my absence gang. It seems I'm in the dying throes of finally getting all of my beautiful things out of their godforsaken storage unit in equally godforsaken Southern California and it's become more involved than I thought.

(Spoiler Alert: painful third world bureaucracy is painful)

I know, people get all over me for not liking SoCal. I'm sure it's a lovely place and I know of at least three delightful people who live there voluntarily, but it's not where my earthly possessions --including my precious, precious shoes-- want to spend eternity.

Now I'm going to have to go through customs.

"This should be fun." said no one, ever.

Customs officials in Mexico are very much like la policia in their reputation for being continuously on the take.

Now, all of my experiences with the local constabulary have been just great --and considering one of those experiences includes Hot Latin Boy crashing his car into a police cruiser one rainy Tijuana morning, that's no faint praise-- but I'm less inclined to take my chances with la aduana.

The import fee is 17% of the value of everything brought into the country, payable right there in deliciously untraceable cash.

Naturally most of my possessions don't have receipts, and although I can say what I think each item is worth (for my shoes I'm writing "Used shoes for personal use, no value" and praying for a straight dude) the aduana has their say too, except they have guys with machine guns to back them up.

Thankfully we found someone Who Knows a Guy, because that's how things get done here but the whole endeavor still gives me the internal hairy eyeball, especially for someone who still needs training wheels for even this most basic and accepted level of international subterfuge.

So what did I miss last week? Put it in the comments!